That kid was me, and my life has turned from rebellious nihilist to a lover of life and people. And if you are the type who reads the end of a book before the beginning, let me tell you what happens in the middle – I met the Father.
I know everyone wants to talk about Jesus. Jesus this and Jesus that. But I didn’t know Jesus when I was washed by His blood. The modern day evangelical salvation story is a product of our culture, not the gospel or the Bible. Not to say Jesus isn’t integral to the Gospel story, but He is not in a box. The meaning of Jesus’ ministry is far more mysterious than we give credit. He is far more than forgiver or sin cleanser as modernist steps to God boxes point out. He is life, resurrection, grace, mercy and speaks intimately to us that He has much more to give.
This is my story and I’ll tell it from the beginning though it is by no means complete, especially later in life. Yet, I promise you one thing… it will be 100% factual, it will be real, and I won’t pull any punches.
I do want to state that I am not proud of what I was or the things that I have done. Yet, they have formed me into the man that I am today, with the wounds, passions, and direction which I am grateful to have.
My story is one of the philosophical mindset so I will ask many questions I may not answer fully in this book. That may be because I don’t know the answer, maybe I forgot I asked the question, the answer doesn’t lie between the purposes of this book or it is a MYSTERY!
The questions in Appendix B are unanswered for a reason. You are to dwell upon them. There are many resources with answers and I may yet answer them later. I have a personal war with some theories being taught and one theme of this book is to debunk the junk.
Also, the name of this book is to show much of what we see and know about God has come from simple sermon illustrations that have put much of God into quadrants or boxes. This limits our understanding the person of God and inhibits our relationship with Him. Many of these modern boxes are refuted within the simple story of my life.
Warning, I make grammatical errors. As a gift, feel free to grab some white out or a red marker and use this as a tool to brush up on your editing skills.
My three years in the desert were a dry time for me, with the exception of when I moved a woman into my trailer. Lisa was a buddy’s girlfriend and they planned to marry after he finished flight school. So he went to San Fran for flight school and left his beautiful woman with me… in my own home.
I quickly fell head over heals for her, but was honor bound to not touch. Not that I didn’t try… but there was something odd going on from the moment she moved in. Even though I was crazy mad for the girl, I couldn’t ever think straight. And it was more than the emotions.
She was there for a few months when her dad had a heart attack and went to the hospital. I drove her to the hospital and finally met him, lying in bed in his room. I remember sitting down at the back of the room while someone was reading a story to her dad.
I could barely hear what they were saying, but there was such a presence, a sense of awe that filled the words being read. I was mystified never having read anything like it before.
I wanted to ask if they were reading the Bible, but I seemed mute, unable to disturb them.
Lisa only stayed for a little while but the event left me a little shaken. I later learned her parents were Christians. A little later on she told me that her parents were praying against me. That her parents were praying that Angels would sit atop our house and prevent me from ever touching or even speaking incorrectly (I use the term only because I can’t think of a better one – meaning I couldn’t do anything but the most honorable upright behavior) to their daughter.
And Lisa sure believed it was happening.
And when she moved out a certain haze left my mind. To this day, I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about that. Was it really real? I’m 99% sure.
But Lisa and I had some dialogue and got to know one another. I remember one day, when her man was back, she told us both that she had been talking with her father the night before and said the prayer to become a “born again” Christian.
This was the first time I had ever heard that title, but didn’t think much of it. I remember my friend was all joking and teasing her about taking religion with any measure of seriousness. But she looked at me. Somehow she wanted to receive some form of positive confirmation that she had done the right thing.
I wanted to wisecrack, but I had this haze in my head and it was very strong during this conversation. And all I could do was nod and accept her newfound religion. I could see that she knew something was different. But what I couldn’t understand. She left and went on in a lifestyle that seemed anything but Christian.
Have you ever seen someone radically change and say it was because they were now a Christian? Actually, I hadn’t at the time, but I heard it happens.
Up to this point, I still only understood materialism. That everything that exists is observable through science. I had no comprehension that there were spiritual things going on in the world. Angels and a God would have fallen into the Science Fiction world I daydreamed about. That couldn’t be real.
But in a sense I was making the Scientific Method into a god. The belief that nothing is true unless proved by science has nothing scientific about it. It is a philosophical proposition and thus not provable by science. And what is philosophy to an over-evolved magma mutation anyway. Nothing made sense.
My years became filled by working at a nightclub as head valet. When we finished on weekend nights we’d climb up the rocks in back and drink beer until sunrise. Sometimes my fellow valet’s would have a little something extra, a joint or baggie from a careless club-goer. Then we’d stagger down and drive home.
That led to an accident
…Which led to a D.U.I.
…Which led to a loss of car.
…Which led to stopping junior college classes part-time to keep rent cheap.
And it was at this low point in my life that a voice seemed to intrude in my head. “Hey, Scott… how about becoming a Christian?”
As if I really needed this in my life. Yet, I had never really considered it. Becoming one of those church people who had no reason for why they believed. “Oh, yeah, sign me up.” I thought sarcastically.
Of course my answer was “NO!”
But I pondered the question a bit. Why not? (Philosopher mind and all) What reason do I have to not become a Christian? For some reason, I knew innately that the other major religions of the world were frauds. (sorry Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims) But there was something mystical and mysterious about an exclusive Creator God-Almighty who was both intimate and all powerful.
Oh, there is something supernatural within these other religions, but they are too weak to truly satisfy the philosophical questions of man.
Actually, let me give you the main philosophical questions of mankind:
1. Where did we come from?
2. What is our purpose in life?
3. What happens to us at death?
4. Where can I learn about truth?
5. Why is there evil?
6. What is “God” (higher power – Supreme Being) like?
Now, truly, if there is no God, then it would really be a waste of time debating all these other issues. If such is true, then we are just cosmic accidents and any relevance between our lives and our environment (including our thoughts and feelings) is just happenstance. Include in that the absurdity of you reading a book this far.
Now, here I am someone who truly believes this government-fed philosophical-garbage wrestling with spiritual implications. Even though I felt the tension between society and no one’s truly living out the philosophical implications of our evolution, I was speaking to a spiritual question forced into my consciousness. And I couldn’t explain it with reason or logic.
And suddenly, the implications of an intrusion from outside the box entered my mind. What am I thinking?
The possibility of the god concept being true was a little much for me. I began thinking of the things I would have to give up if it were true. Better to be a hedonist looking after my own pleasure than give up all my pleasure.
I didn’t know much about the Bible, but I did know a little about Christian restrictions. I would have to buy a suit and go to church. I couldn’t move from one girl to the next… or sleep with Lisa. I had to marry my girlfriend and be totally loyal. I’d probably have to give up comic books and get a steady job. And I couldn’t plan massive evil plots to destroy our civilization as I knew it.
I replied to the voice, “Maybe later.” And that was it.
Massive Evil Incarnate
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