Fear of People
This topic is especially important to me as I fear people. I am confident in who I am, I am knowledgeable in a number of topics, and I truly seek to be more social than I currently am. But there is one thing that always sticks me in the gut and holds me from others.
I am afraid of initiating a conversation.
I don’t know the depths of why, but there are many possibilities. I grew up quite shy. My parents and siblings rarely invested in me in social ways so I grew up relationally immature. I never had time for small talk and I rarely had anything of interest to share.
In any event, the answer to my problems is and has always been – keep initiating social interaction.
Today I am in a business that is very much a people business. I find myself falling on my face continually in an effort to be more at ease initiating communication. I still clam up. I still have fear run up my spine. I still make decisions to not initiate – especially when my fears say I won’t relate.
It makes it hard to make friends. It makes it hard to drive traffic. It makes it hard to create momentum and build relationships when I am constantly self-doubting. Yet, these pressures keep me pursuing the break-thru point.
I know that in a particular amount of time, I shall break through the fear. Action always cures fear. And thus, I am doing the right thing.
But on a spiritual level, there is more going on here. The Lord says, “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but to trust the LORD means safety.” Pvb 29:25
As we live our lives under the banner of God or Jesus Christ (however you know Him) we are to put Him first in our lives. He created us, He saved us and He redeems us.
Thus, if we fear people, we are showing that we are putting man as number one in our lives with worry and fear for the rejection more significant than the acceptance of God.
I have to tell you, if you fear a person that is good. If you fear your boss, that is good. If you fear your jeweled faced neighbor or the crotchety old nanny, that is good.
Why, because these things are here for us to struggle through and grow our character in. When we fear people, that is cowardice. When we are rejected, as we feared, then we have a badge of honor. This is a good thing to be rejected because we are winning the maturity battle. And if we keep getting rejected, then we realize that it doesn’t hurt us. It is not personal, just inconvenient.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Rom 8:28
Spoken in there is the cause of our trial as well as the benefit of our faith. God has a will for those who call themselves to His name. In this, He purposes them to action through the trials of social immaturity to become a better person. He is working for your good in bringing you to the war so He can bring your through the battle.
But we must walk, we must have action if we desire to accomplish His purpose.
Indeed, when we follow God’s will, and struggle through our fear, we become better friends to others. We become able to build people up instead of tearing someone down.
Maybe you know someone who is constantly nagging or spreading rumors in their spare time. These people are filled with fear. All they have to offer people is the ripping up of other’s character.
Someone with character looks to build up others. How can they do this? It is because they don’t receive their comfort from other people.
“I, Yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?” Isa 51:12
When I have to look back in my life, I see the myriads of events which caused me to become a quiet person. I see many rejections, shameful and embarrassing moments. These are the things which stand out to me.
Yet, as my grandfather just passed away, I remember so much of my time with him as rewarding. He invested heavily into my life with love and kind words. He built me up when I was a broken boy.
And I see that it is the rejections that I remember and cling to rather than the wholehearted welcoming moments. I know that there have been way more good social moments in my life than the harsh bitter rejections. I will not know peace unless I break through and conquer the fears, and then the rejections will have little effect upon me.
I urge you to dive into God’s grace rather than wallow in pity and the shallow existence of living in fear. Fear has a reason: to give you a battle and victory.
So here is a beautiful clip I found that captures a movie about a man who invested in boys and the triumphs and tragidies that made them men.
Enjoy